


Flower Boy & Golden Boy

by squishthedish



Series: boys [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Gen, Growing Up, Love, Love Poems, Poetic, Poetry, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 61
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18355616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishthedish/pseuds/squishthedish
Summary: Collection of short poems.About teenage hurt, break ups, cheating, friendship, and growing up.





	1. flower boy - the hurt

why did i forget to write of  
our love  
the way your lips  
tasted  
the way you  
held me  
the way your eyes  
sparkled  
in the sunshine  
the quiet of your  
sweet voice  
and the calling of your  
honey laugh  
why must i only capture  
the hurt


	2. flower boy - snow

i like the snow because  
it reminds me of the   
coldest parts   
of you


	3. flower boy - shatter

you put me into   
pieces   
that not even i could   
pick back up


	4. flower boy - if you hurt me so bad why wont you get out of my head

you fucked with my head and got me back into bed now I’m stuck in your sheets and pillows you wont be able to sleep a wink without the thought of my body pressed into the mattress or the sweet scent of warm and cozy perfume stuck in the blankets you will never sleep a peaceful nights rest again.


	5. flower boy - blind

i can’t look you in the eyes  
it’s too difficult to look at someone you  
don’t know


	6. flower boy - ruins

i want to talk to you so badly  
but  
i know that  
if  
i do  
i will only   
make   
things   
w  
o  
r  
s  
e


	7. flower boy - i want my heart back

i want my love letters back.   
i want my promise ring back.   
i want every piece of me back.   
you don’t deserve one slice.


	8. flower boy - below freezing

you make my   
soul   
_c o l d_


	9. flower boy - burn

you used to be  
my home  
but now  
all i see   
is a burned house  
i used to explore


	10. golden boy - don't think

i flirt with you  
and   
fool around with you  
but don’t be confused, boy,  
because i am not in love with you  
i am in love with the attention


	11. flower boy - fake it

you will not find another girl like me  
when you clean her out at night  
you will dream of me


	12. flower boy - leave this place

my mind may not want you  
but   
my heart  
and  
my soul  
crave you


	13. flower boy - shut your mouth

when i hear your voice   
it hurts  
it hurts so bad and i want to  
cover my ears  
as if they   
bleed


	14. flower boy - overdose

i was an addict and  
you were doping   
me until  
i forgot  
myself


	15. flower boy - i lost my best friend, you seem to have lost nothing

where has my best friend  
g  
o  
n  
e  
off to


	16. flower boy - choke me until me lungs collapse

i’m choking on your  
cologne


	17. the truth

i just want to leave this small town  
i want to move to a big city  
where no one knows my name  
but  
notices when i pass by  
where no one knows my story  
and  
i won’t ever have to tell it


	18. flower boy & golden boy - conflict

what do you do  
when  
you want to  
share hearts with him  
but spread legs with them


	19. golden boy - keep it in your pants

silly boy,  
i am not going to be the toy  
of one who gets  
a hundred more


	20. golden boy - sneaky

you are becoming quite the   
whore  
and it makes things exciting  
but it will be  
such a bore  
when i’m not the one you’ll be biting


	21. golden boy - i will not develope feelings for you

i will   
not be  
so stupid  
to think  
maybe, i’ll be the one to tie him down


	22. to myself - figure your life out

funny  
i never  
pegged you  
as such a   
filthy  
liar


	23. flower boy & golden boy - i'm sorry

i love him so much  
but  
i desire to be under  
him


	24. flower boy & golden boy - i never cheated, please believe me

best friends  
best friends  
they’re astounding  
but then  
you’re pounding  
while your love is sitting in  
pain


	25. flower boy - i lost you again

music hurts   
but   
the silence is   
_violent_


	26. golden boy - when you got me

soft lips,  
sun kissed  
the taste of my berry chapstick  
sticking to his  
i should not be doing this  
but his kiss  
sends me  
under


	27. golden boy - praying

he said he was  
hungry   
for my lips  
but  
once we connected  
it was so  
soft…  
does he feel lust or love  
i pray to god that it is  
just lust


	28. golden boy - devour me

kiss me until your lips become sore  
touch me until we become light headed  
don’t love me  
just have fun with me


	29. damage does not make you special

all of us poets lied to you.  
hurt  
is not beautiful   
mess  
is not unique  
trouble  
is not a new chance  
danger is not  
romance  
breaking   
is not a talent.


	30. flower boy - who you are, is different from who you were

you were never a  
bad  
person  
we just had  
ruined  
love  
you never caused me  
problems  
we just never  
spoke  
we never fell back in love  
we were just too  
afraid   
to be alone  
we never hurt each other  
we just   
ignored  
the end


	31. flower boy - change my heart and soul; rearrange me with your finger tips

maybe, the only  
real tragedy  
is that  
you’re changing  
and   
i can’t


	32. flower boy - wake me with soft, cold tears

i dreamed  
you knew of golden boy  
knew of the things  
i never said  
knew of the hurt  
that was leaving  
my chest  
knew of the memories  
slipping through  
my head  
knew of the way i went  
to bed  
peaceful  
knew of the relief  
flowing through  
my veins


	33. flower boy - alternate universe

maybe,  
in another lifetime  
we could have been friends  
we could have kept our hearts  
ours  
we could have kept our i love yous   
simply unspoken  
we could have had a chance at  
everlasting  
friendship


	34. this is my heart spilled out upon these pages; be delicate with her

i feel  
poetry  
pumping out through  
my heart  
reaching out towards  
my finger tips  
racing up to my eyes  
begging my eyelashes to grow  
i feel it rushing down my legs  
grounding my feet  
with the universe  
i feel it breathing out  
filling my lungs  
then  
slowly  
letting them fall again


	35. flower boy - you're out of my life, but still taking away everything

no amount of alcohol  
could  
wash you  
from my veins  
from my heart  
you keep breaking my heart  
i just want  
some  
god damn  
peace  
&  
quiet  
in my head


	36. reminisce on the taste of my lips

i am like  
an old memory  
you will not  
forget me.  
my soft skin will  
taunt you,  
that glint in my eyes will  
mesmerize you.  
my laugh will  
bring you fits of smiles,  
my words and voice will  
intoxicate you.  
and you will enjoy  
every second  
of it


	37. i break myself each friday night

pain is struck  
deep  
within my veins.  
it travels to my finger tips  
then falls asleep there.  
it gets cozy in my legs  
until i cannot walk.  
it wraps its hands around  
my heart  
and squeezes hard  
until it stops beating.


	38. golden boy - thighs & lies or friends with bends

do we talk because we're  
best friends  
or  
are we best friends because he  
wants to fool around


	39. golden boy - help me pick a side

do i feel this way because  
i like you  
or  
do i feel this way because  
i want to be liked


	40. honey bee - leave me with the flowers

you are  
a bliss of hope  
in my life  
that there are still  
good people  
in this world  
you are like  
a sweet taste  
of sugar  
and i am  
a craving honey bee


	41. flower boy - let it all out

all of the pain  
pours out of me  
dripping from my lips  
and my eyelashes  
all of the anger  
builds a nest  
inside my chest  
it burrows deeper  
than my veins run  
it weighs down on my heart  
causing it to break  
it aches and causes me to shake


	42. flower boy - all you are, is a stain, on my favorite pair of skinny jeans

do you know how  
good  
it feels  
to wash my hair in the morning  
without a thought  
of you?  
how much more  
peaceful  
the world  
feels without you  
choking me  
with your opinions and destructive words?  
how i  
smile  
as i lay my head to rest on my pillow  
at night  
alone?  
how i've lost that pang  
of pain and regret  
when i look upon your freckled face  
during class?


	43. golden boy - sway me

_just, sit back and relax_  
he hushed as i began to speak  
words full of worry  
his oddly soothing words  
circled  
around my head  
and in one ear  
out the other  
as he kissed down my  
chest


	44. golden boy - clouded thoughts

that's when he asked me  
in his low, hushed voice  
 _do you trust me?_  
i felt my chest tighten  
and my heart flutter  
of course i trusted him  
but  
how am i supposed to have a  
clear mind  
when he kisses me like that


	45. flower boy & golden boy - when did these things change

my heart  
heated up more  
to see your stupid hair  
than it did  
to see a boy  
i was supposed  
to love forever


	46. soft boy - how dare you

you took me in  
you lifted me up  
you made me promises  
you made me lie  
you tried to keep that smile  
you trashed my heart of a house  
you threw me in front of a bus  
you demanded that i apologize  
for all the damage you'd done  
you begged for my hand in return  
you broke when i knew my worth  
 _\- and fuck you for trying to convince me otherwise_


	47. soft boy - goodnight, sweet dreams

i will not  
tuck you into bed,  
kiss your cheek,  
and promise you no harm.  
i will not walk into those arms  
and accept the failure of my dignity.  
i will swig my fist,  
and smile,  
as it collides with your eye.  
i will crack your nose.  
and paint my pain  
with the blood.  
 _\- you destroyed me; now it's my turn_


	48. this is the road to my own happiness

i want peace to fill my heart,  
to strike my lungs,  
and to bless my cheeks.  
i crave to smile  
within my own solitude  
and to cherish my bustling mind.  
i pray for faith,  
hope,  
and redemption.  
faith in myself,  
hope in others,  
and redemption of those who are lost.  
i wish for my numbing heart  
to grow,  
within all this pain,  
and to paint colors upon these saddened  
walls.  
i am growing up  
and helping others find their souls.  
i must not forget of the past,  
but to renew it with the present,  
and dictate it with the future.


	49. my tears grow lilac in the sand, and my heart pounds waves to shore

the clouds burst  
like the light  
shining through my glitter soul  
cracking between my weak ribs  
pulling me together  
as i sob into the ocean  
the light reassures me  
in its salty smooth voice  
 _you are okay, you were never half.  
_ my voice breaks as i call out  
but how could someone whole feel so  
incomplete  
its reply replenishes me with a sigh  
 _you were always whole, you will always be_  
whole. not everything lost is forgotten.  
i am no different


	50. believing in something is a state of mind, but this, i feel this in my bones

the salty waves  
kiss my cheeks  
and i thank god  
not my god  
not your god  
and certainly not anyone else's god  
but itself  
for god is not a belief  
but the energy you feel  
between the universe  
and your soul.  
and i feel it calling me


	51. golden boy - are you aware of the ways you make me cry?

i crave to be needed  
the way that i feel is,  
when he's touching my body  
hands running up and down me,  
i am in a place where i am wanted  
but then  
he fills up his glass  
takes his deep sips  
refills it once more  
and just as soon as he took a dip  
he gets up  
walks to the door  
opened it with ease then tells me  
don't call me, please  
i watched him walk down those hard  
steps  
heard his footsteps echo as he left  
pounding in my ears  
i shut that door feeling emptier  
something inside me broke  
i couldn't process my lack of certainty  
did i use him or did he  
use me?


	52. golden boy - thinking of you in satin sheets

my sickness  
is  
my revelation.  
my time alone  
is  
my peace.  
i have learned  
more about  
my wants,  
needs,  
and cravings  
laying on this couch  
and sitting in this moonlit bed  
than i ever have  
speaking real words  
_\- i think i could love somebody like you_


	53. golden boy - you keep me awake staring at this dim lit bed

i want you  
i want you every night  
hand on my abdomen  
and fingers in my hair  
your scent kills me  
my mind  
burns  
at the thought of  
our chocolate tasting kisses  
lit up my heart  
faster than  
a child lighting a sparkler  
when it's dark out  
you scare me  
so deeply my bones shake  
and blood runs thin  
it intrigues me  
more than it has ever pushed me away  
you are what i want on these hot summer nights.  
you are what i crave on these hot summer nights.  
you are what i need on these hot summer nights.


	54. golden boy - my therapist told me not to indulge in self destructive habits

_you guys were supposed to happen_  
funny how those words,  
not even spoken a month ago,  
pushed me away  
from my present lover  
and caused me to destroy him  
just to jump into your arms  
knowing you would crush me with those  
hands  
running up and down  
my hips and chest  
hypnotizing me  
darling, you control me  
you are stained  
upon these walls  
my tears and cries of your name  
splattered each time  
i reach to check your location  
wondering if, you too, are wondering  
if i am awake  
if i am thinking about you as much  
as you are thinking about me  
those words  
reinforce my most  
deadly and toxic  
self destructive habit  
_you_


	55. golden boy - hear my voice

_i had feelings for you!_  
i screamed  
in deaf ears  
walking through that doorway  
he would not remember what i wore  
he would not appreciate how my hair smelled  
or how my perfume lingered in the air  
as he shut his car door  
it's interior always made me dizzy  
with it's distinct smell of home  
that smell calls me  
and that calling scares me  
the hole in my chest  
grows so deep through those calls  
our romance  
began and ended  
in that car  
so why does it make my heart burn  
so badly i need  
medication?


	56. golden boy - i still remember our fickle love and car talk

that car  
that silly, small car  
too small for him  
too big for me  
kind of like our feelings  
his were too small, too fragile  
mine were too big, too gripping  
the car arm rest  
as we kissed  
used to drive me crazy  
with all these emotions  
spilt upon the dashboard  
and left in those parking lots  
he spent his days  
comforting me  
as i comforted him too  
i felt the shift  
as he changed gears to leave  
that apartment complex  
the farther he drove  
the more tears he drew from my eyes  
watching him create that distance  
between us  
and making it miles  
 _\- it was that car, where i fell for him_


	57. golden boy - i want the truth, and only the truth

_what do you want from me?_ **  
we were something**  
_we were friends with_ _benefits.  
_**we were in love, _  
_** i shrieked _  
_**we were supposed to happen**  
**supposed to care**  
**to be there for one another _  
_** i suddenly became breathless  
as if i had sucked in an entire cigarette ** _  
but,  
_**my heart shattered as he stared,  
unfazed and stone cold,  
at my blistering hands  
damaged from clutching onto our rope  
praying to god that i could keep him _  
but what?  
_he spat like venom into the blisters that covered my tired hands  
with the flatness of those two harsh words _  
_**but you were emotionally unavailable** _  
__and you, emotionally unstable._ _  
_ his speech flicked me  
as he stepped down  
to put out the cigarette  
the feeling of his foot on my throat  
caused me to choke on his last remarks  
_we wouldn't have ever worked and there_  
 _isn't just me to blame._


	58. golden boy - tear me apart with your teeth

you never understood  
what i needed  
or what i wanted  
you only understood how to treat my body  
my mind  
when you needed me to be pulled back in  
to you  
 **i want you to fight for me**  
i whispered  
his eyes traced my figure  
my hands clenched so tightly  
i felt the blood trickle through my fingers  
skin tearing under my nails  
his eyes bore holes into me  
as if he were to rip a t-shirt  
he spoke slow, and emotionless  
 _i don't fight for something that i don't want._


	59. choose your love language

if we  
want  
to love,  
we have  
to be willing  
to hurt.  
if we  
want  
to love,  
we have  
to be open  
to feeling every emotion  
with that person.  
if we  
want  
to love,  
we have  
to know  
that we are whole,  
and never half,  
even without that person.  
if we  
want  
to love,  
we have  
to be willing  
to love ourselves  
first.


	60. i am worthwhile

even  
on my worst  
days when i  
feel  
as if i  
can't   
breathe  
as my nails  
dig deep  
into the  
floorboards  
pulling my  
bruised  
and  
bloodied  
body across  
i know that  
no man  
could  
ever  
take my worth  
away from me


	61. never been broken

my chest  
burns  
with compassion  
it swells  
with pain  
and bursts  
with heartthrob  
i may lose  
those whom of which  
i love so dearly  
but  
i still love  
that bruised little girl  
that stares back at me  
in the mirror


End file.
